October 23, 2003 - 5:30 a.m.
The last entry may be a little out of the way for peoples moods to go with right now.
I'll put a lighter experience here to break up the flow.
When I say I tried everything, I almost definitely have in incling of what that entails.
First I tried changing my diet, no mean feat in itself, since my previous diet consisted of whatever was reasonably accessible, and could fit in my mouth. Although, that last part was subject to interpretation, as well as mirror angles and measurable brightness. No dice. No dice in the diet, and, to clarify, no luck either.
Watching old Gidget episodes while suspended upside-down is in fact just as enjoyable as they say, but alas, it didn’t help. I must remember to find out who suggested that one, they deserve a Tofu enema, chilled, and not mixed all the way.
I fully intend to thank in person whomever had the brilliant idea of jogging. I intend to thank them hard, fast, and all over the place, probably leaving a puddle or two in the wake. My biggest regret at that failure is all the clams spent on the human size hamster wheel. And don’t let yourself get stuck in a business deal with a human size hamster, they eat their kids, and I don’t think I altogether approve. But that’s what I get for searching through eBay. Regardless, all those pointless hours, running, getting nowhere, did more damage then good, in my coloring-book.
Video games at least distracted me for a good two weeks, but the third set of blistered thumbs ended that quickly. Who mails such things anyway? I sent all six back to the sender, along with a courtesy note suggesting pot-purri in the package next time. It pays to take the extra couple minutes to be nice.
I turned next to drinking. After a week of that, I decided to add alcohol to my drinks. I don’t much remember how that went, but I have found post-its ever since, in the oddest places, hinting that I mixed the booze with my other ideas, usually to sloppy, yet still unknown, results. It took me twelve tries to wash out that limerick about Gidget I had scraped into the bathroom mirror. Well, eleven tries, then one time buying a new mirror. It had to be replaced, how could I possibly know either way if Sally knew any midgets, or how acrobatic they might be.
As I was walking backwards down the streets of my lovely city, drinking a glass of water sideways, my luck turned. The hiccups that had plagued me for the previous fort-night vanished without a trace, gaseous or otherwise. I did a little backwards dance, not as frolicky as one would think. The hiccups had seen me through some rough times, and were becoming a comfort as my attempts at fixing my problem were becoming myth-like in proportions.
I passed a building that seemed new to me, so I darted in, partly to experience the new, and partly to distract my mind from missing the hiccups.
You find answers in the strangest places. This wasn’t one of them. It had the look of a very ordinary Therapy Clinic. It wasn’t until I found myself having drinks in the lounge with one of the guys who worked there that I discovered my misunderstanding: not Therapy, Pre-Therapy.
The afternoon was filled with my learning of the ways of Pre-Therapy. It seems Pre-Traumatic Stress Disorder, misdiagnosed for millennia as “Worrying” or “Nervous”, sometimes even “Paranoid”, was a major problem in the cosmos. I needed to learn more.
Over the next week I dove brain first into the theories behind Pre-Therapy. I wont bore you further with details, but let me say that after three days of it, my troubles went the way of my hiccups. No wonder they told me millions were already assumed satisfied with their treatment.
I left there this morning, head held high, knowing I was alright, fresh with my Pre-Therapist’s parting advice.
“Trust your instincts the next time you feel that way again, and you’ll be fine. Any problems, coming here again is one option, but taking a Rolaids is just as good.”
6:58 p.m. - November 21, 2003
11:55 p.m. - November 15, 2003
8:23 p.m. - November 15, 2003
3:38 a.m. - November 10, 2003
7:46 a.m. - October 27, 2003
